Designing for the Future: Request to Shower

“Request to shower” is a leap into the unknown. A dystopian and funny tale of a world we haven’t yet experienced but we can well imagine.

The story takes place in the not so distant future. Sally and David find themselves into unpleasant yet hilarious situations. They like each other but there is a problem.

It’s a mental exercise for the future of design. A challenge for the status quo and today’s design practices. The personas. The user centered design. The UX design.

Anyway. I hope you enjoy the story and make sure you do not read it if you have issues with profanity.

Bzzzz… clong… cling… psssss… Good morning David. The forecast for today shows heavy rain and low temperature. It’s a bad day. Also your coffee is cold. I couldn’t apply the software update to your crappy coffee maker.

Fuck you too morning Sally. I guess cold coffee is better than no coffee, right? Also you suck and you should update your own software first.

I have scheduled your morning shower for you David. It will start in 8 minutes 10 seconds at section 3A-B0923.

Damn it Sally, I know. I have been living here for 12 years, remember…?

7 minutes and 59 seconds David. Your shower will be cold as usual since your credit is low every month. You can use the towels from the public area but no soap. Your environmental score is low again.

Really Sally? Again? Oh gee! Let me think. Well…

No David. No. Don’t you dare!

Well… I thought you super fucking genius would have found me a job 4 years ago Sally. I mean, you have all my data! You know everything about me. You even put a fucking stick in my ass to get a live stool sample Sally. Fucking sequencing my fucking gut bacteria for my second brain genetic traits my ass.

David, you know I was following protocol. It’s my job. Although I would lie, even though I can’t, if I would say I didn’t enjoy requesting this test for you.

Fuck you Sally and your job. I see how well it worked out so far. As a third generation David model T3AS serial number 32.8798.334.888az I am telling you to fuck off. I am having my coffee.

David, I am sure you know you don’t need stimulants like coffee. Synthetic and augmented humans cannot metabolize caffeine. Your bodies are protected against impurities and dangerous substances.

OMFG! I know! You should also know this is not about the fucking caffeine. I like drinking coffee. I like the taste of coffee. Like I did before you moved my brain into this new piece of shit body. Screw you Sally. I am going to shower.

I am sorry David. You cannot access the shower anymore. You are 15 seconds past your late entrance to the public area. As a result the available time for your shower would be less than 3 minutes. Acceptable hygiene levels are not possible in that time frame.

Woah Sally. Hold on. Hold on. Open the door. Sally! Open the god damn door.

Lock down protocol activated and David, I submitted a new shower request. You know the rules. Proper hygiene in the workplace and resources conservation are of the utmost importance in this Mars colony.

You must be kidding me Sally. I don’t work. What a shit day. Sigh!

Indeed. Now, let’s find you a job David.

Many thanks to A and P for reading drafts of this story.